tired Gracie n Daddy...

a little close, eh?

two peas in a pod

gracie pumping up her pool

dear Marshall Street, you smell of Heavenly goodness.

The Backup Plan.

I wonder if coffee would burn if I put it threw an IV?

I am so seriously exhausted. I TRIED to go to bed early. We layed in bed and watched AGT, and I fell asleep before it was over, but woke up every hour. I swear. I don't know why. I took PM's last night. I just woke up. Constantly. Then I woke up at 0413 and got up, since my alarm was gonna go off soon anyways.
I like (when I say 'like' it is VERY relative, because I would rather stay in bed) to get up an hour and a half before I have to leave to take the girls to daycare. I like to drink coffee, possibly eat some Cornflakes or Cheerios (or just drink a slimfast on the way there), and 'wake up'. I usually run a straightener thru my hair (I wash it at night so I don't have to blow dry it.).

Vin got paid twice. Hmm....not that I mind. One was four something, the other was his normal 40 hour/wk paycheck. The four something is not big enough to be his Ins. Reimbursement check we get on the first (and it's not the first, yet), so I was wondering if it was his vacay days he got paid out? To bad he is sleeping. I am almost tempted to wake him up and ask him, cuz I told him to get 3 days paid out. No more. We need extra 'wiggle' room incase the girls get sick on a clinical day, and I can't stay home with them. Or if he gets sick. Or just so we have a little extra money for when he gets laid off. But no, somehow I doubt he listened to me, and got them all paid out. In that case, I will be upset. I pay the bills (physically, not make the money. yet.), and I know what is due, and when, and what we can get by paying, and what has to get paid during layoff and what we can due to get by. And it would have been nice to have a couple extra hundred dollars dispersed the week he gets laid off when we have a week without a paycheck from unemployment.

I can't wait to start working. But frankly, after yesteredays GBE lecture, I am terrified. It talked about the graduate nurse (that's all that class is), and how they go thru all these stressful phases before they 'fit in'. The first one was called something or another "shock", and one was called "burnout". Geez. that is making me look forward to being a nurse.....

5South is a busy floor. Lots of GI stuff going on.

oh that reminds me. My dream of graduating and going straight to the NICU? Nix on that. most likely. I can go straight to the Maternal/Child floors, (altho i'm sure lots of ppl want to do that), but they prolly wont hire me with NO hospital experience. maybe if I had been even a Nurse's Aide, but, nope. I have none. I can't get hospital experience. I can't afford to pay daycare on a NA salary, if I don't have to.  So, I was thinking 4South. Oncology. I LOVED working on that floor. Made me feel like I had a purpose. But that floor you get "compassion weakness" or something faster. meaning you lose compassion for people because you see so much sickness/death. I like 6North as well. just a Med/Surg. but lots of interesting things. We'll see how I like 5South. Maybe I'll even suck it up and go to Golisano's (Pediatric Hospital at Upstate). I would love to do Ped's Oncology, but I'd like to get my foot in the door at Crouse, so I can get into the NICU after a year. Sigh.

It all seems so close. Less than 4 months till we Graduate. Our GBE clinical is the first/second/3rd week of Dec. 64 hours in 2 weeks, different shifts, with a preceptor that is on a floor that we can request (I requested Maternal/child or 4South or 6North), and we work up to being able to handle a full pt. load. When I say "handle", I mean just that. Handle. Not do well, not do it prettily. Just do it. They don't (thank God) expect us to be able to do it well. Just to do it, to the best we can.

Crouse has a 98% pass rate the first time on the NCLEX. Way higher than any other school. A) they are the best Nursing School in NY and B) They DO NOT pass you unless they know you will pass the NCLEX and are COMPLETELY ready for the "real world".

Okay. I am going to get ready to go to clinical. My first day. kinda terrified. My Pt. is easy. I will get another later today, Cathie (my instructor) wanted to give us just one in the morning so we can get used to the floor and where things are. I am just Terrified cuz Idk what to expect of Cathie on the floor. She is great in class...but some instructors turn into monsters on the floor (all for our own good) but, still. I have heard horror stories about 280 clinicals. They expect us to know/do everything. or something. idk. The rumors are different that what they tell us. Obviously. So, IDK who to believe. sigh.

Here goes nothing.

Every long lost dream led me to where you are Others who broke my heart they were like Northern stars Pointing me on my way into your loving arms This much I know is true That God blessed the broken road That led me straight to you

Three years ago, I said "I do" to the most amazing, hard working, wonderful Man I know. Besides my Dad, of course. Isn't it "Honor Thy Father and Mother above all else" or something like that? Either way, I have two of the most wonderful Men in my life. Well, THree. My brother is a pretty darn wonderful, respectable Man, as well.

Vin's and mine start was pretty rocky, to say the least.

We broke up 5 times before we got engaged, and then, decided it would be the perfect time to have a baby (after we tried the first time I was ovulating, we decided, maybe it would be best to wait until AFTER I graduated.) Whoops. To late. It took the first time, (yes, Hi. My name is Fertile Myrtle). Now we have two beautiful girls.

My parents hated Vin (wouldn't be because My brother and I used to come home and talk crap about him. not at all.). Hey. I didn't know I would end up marrying this guy.

But, once they met him (after we got engaged and pregnant, I might add) They LOVED him (now, is where I say "I told you so"). Sometimes, I think they love him more :-/ (jealousy is a mean, green monster). lol.

All in all, he is the most wonderful Father to both our kids, and A wonderful (stubborn) Husband. He is far to good of a son, as well. He puts up with FAAARRRRR to much crap from a crappy 'father' than I would. But, what do I know? My parents both rock. They have been married for over 25 years (how many other people my age can say that their parents are still married?) and have instilled in me the most wonderful values, and taught me what a good marriage takes (more patience than I have, that's for sure). Vin got all his wonderful traits from his wonderful Mom (RIP) whom I miss like crazy.

Yes. He is stubborn. Has a short temper. and he has OCD when it comes to cleaning (something I DO NOT have). But, he is also Italian. lol. I am Greek, and possess the short temper and the stubbornness, as well. lol. Altho, I blame the short temper on the stress from nursing school (as well as the weight gain).

Well. I better get the girls ready for daycare.

flowers from Vin

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well.

I am fullblown back into the swing of things and already overwhelmed. sigh. I have to leave at 730 now, in the mornings, instead of 800. I used to be able to leave an hour before I had to be at school, and make it to daycare and to school in time. Then I moved it to 745. I still barely make it in time, traffic is so awful. Tomorrow we will try 730. sigh. I hate traffic and I don't know why it is soooo awful. Irving was down to two lanes, which is part of the reason why it was backed up....just closing two lanes on Irving, backed traffic all the way down the hill, under the bridge and up onto 81, and onto 690. Thanks, dear construction people. Thanks. You made my life, and hundreds of other drivers lives hell this week. It is SUPPOSED to be up and running tomorrow (altho it was SUPPOSED to be done today), so we will be back to the normal rush hour traffic...I hope. EXCEPT the fair starts at some point (tomorrow, maybe?) so that will add more chaos and congestion. I could always go thru downtown and take west genessee or Erie, but really, downtown, I have even less patience for. sigh.

ok. really enough rambling.

School makes me miss Jami :-(

Heidi (I think) is coming up this weekend. WOOOOOOOooooOOOOT.

We are having a bbq saturday and I (hope) Keri and her baby/husband are coming! Woooot!

Let the stress eating begin. Ha. who am I kidding? It never stopped.

Gracie said 'it's my happiest day. the ferris (fair) is here! im so so very happy!' She's been witing for this since last summer. lol

Food for pleasure.

I am way to addicted to eating. Bad things. I was doing the slimfast thing, but gave up. I don't NEED to lose weight. I am 5'3 117ish lbs. But I am flabby. I would like to tone up, but I have had no time to go to the gym. And, frankly, I would rather sit home and eat than go to the gym. School has started. Meaning, maybe I can fit some gym time before or after school.

Right now, I don't want to count calories. I know my Scrambled Egg Sandwhiches (yes capitalized, because I feel they are that important), won't make the cut. Sure. They have Dairy (cheese and milk) carbs (two slices of unhealthy white toast) Vegetables (tomatoes) and Oils and Fats (globs of Mayo and BBQ sauce)....but I know, they are wayyy outside my 200 calorie breakfast and lunch. haha. But. I just can't give them up. I love food. to much.

I LOVE popcorn. Words can not describe my love for it. When I am not eating my egg sandwhich, I am eating popcorn. I switched to airpop, to feel healthier, but then I layer it with butter, salt, butter seasoning, and parm. cheese. I even scrape the bowl to make sure I get all the unhealthy goodness.

I have got to do something. I can not be a nurse that is suppose to "teach" and promote good eating habits, if I eat like crap. ALTHO, if I end up in the NICU like I so badly want to, it won't be an issue. I am pretty sure I won't have to teach the babies or parents anything about eating solid foods for quite a while. So, that would be my one scapegoat to condone my eating habits.

I dream about food. Yes. I do. Now, is where you tell me that I need help. Professional help. Maybe I should call HelpPeople right now. (the mental health people employed by our hospital to keep the employee's sane). I had a dream that Twizzlers (another guilty pleasure of mine. by the bag. in one sitting.) were an essential food group. They were full of an essential vitamin that we needed. Everyday. Altho, in my dream, the vitamin was Rubber. I guess my subconscious was trying to get thru to me that twizzlers are not healthy, even tho I was desperately trying to make myself believe that they were....via dreamland.

Okay. I am going to see if we have eggs. I know we don't have tomatos....but I really don't want to go to the store. I am almost certain I am out of eggs. I by passed them on purpose at the store. I didn't buy them, trying to control my egg fetish. But, I am almost tempted to go to walmart. I need Ink anyways. I'm just kidding myself. I wasn't planning on getting ink today, so yes, I am about to make a special trip to the store to employ my bad eating habits.

I checked. We have ONE egg (my sandwhiches ALWAYS have two) and sweet roasted red peppers that could substitute the tomato. however. How will the roasted red peppers taste smothered in bbq sauce and mayo? Because I will not give up the Oils and Fats part of my food pyramid. I just don't know if these ingredients will suffice. 

If all else fails, I'll have popcorn for breakfast. Hey, at least it is the healthy airpopped kind.

BBQ

So. We LOVE to bbq. That is like our middle name. You would think we were hillbillys or something. hahaha. Heidi and Paul are coming up this week with Emmalynn!!!! WOOOOOoooOOOOOT!!! OMGosh. I have desperately missed Heidi and Emmalynn (and I guess Paul. haha). We are going to have a bbq Saturday! My parents are coming, and hopefully Keri and her hubby and baby, and hopefully Jami and Thane and Rowan (<3)!! I was hoping Lila and her beautiful baby could come, but things are busy with them, as well. :-( Heather has to work. sigh. Stupid work. haha. So many babies! I am excited. I love all the babies! (good thing, or else I'd have to have another. haha).

altho Saturday is Heather's (23rd) birthday. hahaaaaa. I think it's really 31. maybe 32? either way Happy Birthday!!!  <3

It was a nice lazy rainy day. My fave. we sat around, watched tv. I made Jalapeno Corn Chowder. It was good. I froze some of the leftovers for my dad and Reagan.

Paul. My father in law. Oh, how he disappoints me. and sickens me.

I can't wait til we can fly to AZ and see my sister in law and nieces (and brother in law I have never met).

May see my mom and sister tomorrow. Karina is having another UC flare up and has to see her GI doctor tomorrow. My poor beautiful (spoiled) baby sister. (ok. not so much of a baby anymore. haha). altho she doesn't let it get her down. haha. she is the spitting image of my brother. just like madalyn. I swear. Madalyn and Karina are spitting images of Christopher and his personality when he was a kid. lol. and madalyn even is identical looking to him sometimes!!!!!! Gracie was when she was like 2 minutes old. it was nuts!!

ok. back to Nip/tuck on the laptop in bed while Vin (whom is sleeping) is "watching" football on tv. hahaha.

I should really go to sleep since the girls are fans of waking up at 6am!!!

Every freakin' time.....

Making Jalepeno Corn Chowder with Garlic and Cheesw French Bread for dinner....yum!

Dear Santa, I know it's early, but I have been a good girl and I wanted to be at the top of your list. I need a new blender/food processor. Badly. Thanks.

What a rainy day....but it's perfect for some cozy cuddly family time <3

Gracelyn and Grandma June

Gracie and Grandma June

They love photobooth!

Silly Grandma

I love you more with every breath, truly madly deeply doo....

Yesterday was........interesting.

There is a lack of adult responsibility in that house.

It is nothing more than a place to party.

I'm not getting into it today.