ixbox gold told me to

ixbox gold told me to give up again. ha.

playing golf on the xbox

playing golf on the xbox with Vin.

sitting on the proch with

sitting on the proch with Vin and a glass of wine and a really tasty shrimp kabob.

kid onn each hand. haha

madalyn n vin sharing bites of ice cream.

how responsible is it of

how responsible is it of parents to encourage their children to do things that the signs clearly say not to?

at the bounce house with

at the bounce house with Vin n all three girls.

Starting the book "the doctor's

Starting the book "the doctor's wife" today :)

I went to a dance just the other night I saw a girl there she was out of sight I asked a friend of mine who she could be He said that her friends just call her Sweet Pea

So Gracelyn is throwing a grand maul temper tantrum. Great. I am prolly going to get CPS showing up at my door. She is in her room (and has been for half an hour) SCREECHING. Her latest is "I'm Hungry. You don't let me eat!!!!" (Because she doesn't want to take a nap, altho she obviously needs one, and she ate a huge breakfast, so she is just being ridiculous). I have Madalyn laying down on the couch watching "scoohee doo" because there was no way she could nap with Gracie going crazy.

I swear. she is going nuts. and in turn, it's driving me nuts.

I really have nothing to write, so I'll be back Monday, prolly. we are going to Uncle John and Aunt Val's tomorrow morning, for the day.

wow

Wow. I def. drank way to much last night. way to much. It was Vodka, which is a first for me in a long time, so now I have an awful headache. and 3 screaming kids that keep arguing. sigh. Sorry to all I drunk texted last night. I was prolly really obnoxious. I don't even remember what I said. ha. Well, I do up to a certain point last night. Then it all becomes obsolete. haha. I am going to go enjoy my hangover, now. not.

aww crap. i have the

aww crap. i have the hiccups.

I am trying to get

I am trying to get Madalyn to say "I love you". nope. I say "ilove you" and she says "i love me, mommy". everytime! haha

i mopped all the floors

i mopped all the floors this morning....Madalyn just spilled appl juice all over the dining room floor. go figure.

I want to stand with you on a mountain. I want to bathe with you in the sea. I want to lay like this forever. Until the sky falls down on me...

Went to the mall with Amanda. Met Paula. She seems really cool. She likes The L Word. I am impressed. I have now, 2 people in this world I can dish about that show with :-)

I saw Lisa (from school), and it makes me miss my school friends :-(

Stephanie is my stalker from NJ. haha. I'm so blonde.

It just down poured. super bad, the second we got home. Go figure. It was raining so hard Gracie slipped and landed on her hiney.

wow. i am literally dripping

wow. i am literally dripping wet after getting drenched running from our front row parking spot to the mall entrance. fun fun

Rain makes corn, corn makes whiskey, whisky makes my baby, feel a little frisky.

It appears as tho the park and pool are outta the question today.

So, I will be meeting my Summer Sister (AKA Amanda) at the bounce house with our monsters (AKA, our children)

I am also wondering who my visitor from Maple Shade NJ is, who visits my page frequently. I'm a little curious, but also intrigued by this mysterious visitor that I do not know, but finds me interesting (or crazy) enough to keep coming back to my blog.

Until later <3

i have finished 'the time

i have finished 'the time travelers wife'. it was a wonderful, wonderful book. such a great book.

I really really dispise my

I really really dispise my father-in-law sometimes.

sitting in karinals carseat.

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"Chaos is more freedom; in fact, total freedom. But no meaning. I want to be free to act, and I also want my actions to mean something."

I am reading "The Time Traveler's Wife". I have been reading it for about a week now, reading a little bit at night. Now I am far enough into the book, where I don't want to put it down. I have been reading it on and off throughout the day (in between the girls and things like feeding them. ha). I love the feeling of becoming so engrossed in a book that everything else disappears around you. I was so deeply engrossed in the book while the girls were sleeping that I had 'forgotten' where I was and who I was, and was 'in' the book. Then the doorbell rang, yanking me back to reality. I still feel "groggy" like I have just woken up out one of those dreams that you are so deep into, so apart of that it feels like this is you reality, not a dream. That is how I feel when I have become so engrossed in the book, and then I must put it down. When I put it down, I feel like an addict, one whom is just passing time, thinking about the book, craving the book, and counting down time until the next possible moment that I can pick up the book, and become engrossed, become one with the book.

Ok. That sounded incredibly stupid. But I do so love that feeling that a good book brings--the feeling of being able to be so completely absorbed in the book.

Ok. Karina is here, and I think the girls want to get on the computer now.

is engrossed in "the time

is engrossed in "the time travelers wife".

Little Red Riding Hood, I don't think little big girls should, Go walking in these spooky old woods alone. oooowwwwwwooooooooo

Went to Heather and MIke's wedding last night. It was beautiful. She was beautiful. He was a little tipsy. haha. It was nice. The food was catered by Kickin' Chicken and was really good.

Heather, Mike and Myself

A little outta focus, but Heather and Mike during their first dance as Husband and wife. In the rain. How romantic <3

Nursing School Buddies

Keri, Krystal, Myself, and the Bride

The sky was beautiful on the drive home. 

I have Karina from today at 2ish until Saturday Evening. Lets hope the girls don't argue to much. haha. My parents are leaving my sister home alone. Well, not alone, with her 18 year old best friend that has friends that are 21. Good thinking, Mom and Dad. I think my sister has a good head on her shoulders and won't do anything stupid, well a good enough head for being almost 15. haha.

Until Tomorrow <3

Her name is Noel; I have a dream about her. She rings my bell. I got gym class in half an hour, Oh how she rocks...In Keds and tube socks, But she doesn't know who I am, And she doesn't give a damn about me

So. I slept like absolute crap last night. Had a midnighter. haha. I couldn't sleep. So he shouldn't either. There were more productive things we coulda been doing. lol. I seriously got like 4 hours of sleep. I should be wide awake for the wedding tonight. lol. The only thing that sucks about that is that I will be driving home late. I am going to try and get home before dark (which is at 930, so that shouldn't be an issue). My cars headlights, SUCK, so therefore driving at night sucks. haha. 

Going to Jami's today before I go to June's before I go to My parents, before I go to the wedding. haha. Whenever I go to Fulton I see the same people, sometimes with Kel thrown in the mix. I miss the days I used to be able to stop and see Heidi  :(  and Laurie :( . We may make a trip out to see Heidi and Paul on our next three day weekend, Memorial day, whenever that happens to be. Vin doesn't know it yet. haha. We'll see how money and my car goes. 

My car gets inspected when I'm gone. My dad and I will be dropping it off on our way to the airport (which is less than 10 mins away, thank god). I hope it doesn't need to much crap done. sigh. last year when we got it inspected, New struts, new springs, new brakes, and $860 dollars later, it was done. We drop more money into my car that need be. Everything breaks all the time. My car was in the shop earlier this year 3 times in 3 weeks. I swear. My brake lines have been replaced at least 3 times in the 5 years I've had it.

On a happier note. I CLEANED the crap outta Gracie's room. Went thru her closet, got rid of the bags of old clothes that Madalyn would 'someday grow into'. I kept out the size 3t pants and some cute shirts, but she won't even fit those til prolly NEXT winter. she still doesn't fit 2t pants. haha. and I hope by then I can be able to afford new clothes for her, since I'll be working. I LOVE handmedowns from Gracie to Madalyn (or Em to Gracie, or Karina to Gracie) but, we don't have the room for them right now. We have bags of clothes downstair still, that I am going to go thru and get rid of, prolly later this week or next week. And I am going to go thru all the toys out here in the livingroom, where all her toys seem to have migrated, to. I got rid of a huge bag of stuffed animals. I am going to go up to my parents attic today and go thru the 3-6 month clothes for Kerri. I'm giving her the ADORABLE nike sandles that Toni gave Madalyn. They are size 4 and don't fit her (barely) anymore. I threw away a lot of random OLLLD sneakers that had been passed down a million times, but these sandals are just to darn cute, plus Toni got them for Madalyn, so I'll give them to Kerri and her baby girl can grow into them. Gracie STILL tries to wear the Nike sandals that Aunt Toni got her last year or the year before, but her big toe like hangs off it "But Aunt Toni gave them to me". Yes, Gracelyn, and I am sure Aunt Toni won't be sad if you stop wearing them because they are to small. haha.

Gracie's haircut is sooo incredibly CUTE! I took her to my hairdresser (who is my friend from school's mom, and who has been doing my hair for a year or so) and said "I want it short and off the neck. go for it". it is like 'stacked' in the back, like layered in short layers at the nape of her neck (and she raved about how thick her hair is and had the other hairdresser feel it. haha) and then it's longer and unlayered on the sides. SOOOO adorable. ANNNNNNDDDDD it was ONLY $7!!!

Only 9 days til I go to FRANCE (well, Monaco) but YAYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!. It is beautiful looking! (google Monaco) it is on the Mediterranean. wow. I spelled that right the first time. Crazy. haha. I am not as stressed about what to wear. I have some capri's and stuff. I'll be fine. and I have my dresspants that I wear to the hospital around here somewhere. and of course, my FAVORITE shoes. well, one of my favorite. we'll say, Favortie heels. My FAVORITE shoes are the wooden sandals that Laurie gave me a couple years ago. They are starting to fall apart like where the thong part is. I am thinking about taking them somewhere to get fixed. I love them, and Laurie said they were her favorite back when she wore sandals.

Well. I'm gonna go fiddle around here and try on the dress I am wearing today to make sure it fits (no time like the present). I really like the dress I wore while the MOH at Amanda's wedding, but I can never find anywhere to wear it to, and it's not technically even a maid of honor dress. I got it at debz (like my other dress that I LOVE). I imagine my bridesmaids have the same issue with the dresses from my wedding, cuz they were bridesmaids dresses.

well. ok. Until Tomorrow <3

Can't read my, can't read my, no he can't read my Poker Face....

So. I don't have a good poker face apparently. I was talking to our upstairs neighbor, Jim, I had given him cornflake bars and he was telling me how much he liked them, and we were talking about France, and I said my parents were from Hannibal, and he was like "oh yeah, I have a nephew in Hannibal", and I was like "really, who?" and he's like "Paul McCarthy" and I just went speechless, I didn't know what to say, I expected him to say a name I either A) didn't know or B) was familiar with, but not friends with, and certainly not in the context I knew Paul.

I musta had a look cuz he is like "oh, yeah, ya know him. Reeeeaaally." uhm. "Yes, I know him." (i'm 3 shades of red by now, and I can't help it) haha. He's like "reeeaaaallly. I'll keep that one under my hat." haha. i was like "Vin knows about my sordid past, it's ok." haha. He asked who else I knew and I told him I had dated Matt and Dustin, and he knew Ryan (RIP) also. and he's like "Dustin, really, you dated him? reaaallly" After that conversation, it was a little awkward and he's like "reaaalllyyy. small world" like he can't get over the fact that I 'knew' his nephew and dated his nephew's friends. Whom, are not the most upstanding citizens, on top of it all. I musta been like 3 shades of red the entire conversation, and I am having trouble grasping words, and he's just looking at me with like this incredulous look. haha. so i was like "ok. I need to get back to cleaning", and he still has the incredulous look on his face. ha. I need to work on my poker face. seriously.

ok. seriously, back to cleaning. altho now I can't stop thinking about the fact that my neighbor is related to Paul and knows all his friends and that is all i'm going to think about whenever I see him--the fact that he is prolly thinking about the fact that I slept with his nephew and his friends. ack. He's a good guy, tho and not creepy, so it could be worse. haha.

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madeline cutting gracie's hair.

It goes like this...the fourth, the fifth The minor fall, The major lift, The baffled King composing Hallelujah

So, I am a little (less) stressed about what to wear to France, as my wardrobe is lacking "casual elegance" and "casual" dress. No tank tops or jean skirts. well. apparently I am not France material. haha. or rather, up to my dad's company standards. I have some capri's and stuff, so I should be fine. I am psyched. The sailing regatta we are going to....we aren't just going to it.....we are IN it!! WOOOOOOT! we have like a guide guy and everyone on our 'team' or whatever helps like with the sails and stuff and it's an actual regatta course or whatever. I am excited. all the restaurants sound yummy and stuff. I am excited.

I am making Turkey Meatballs with a Sour Cream Mushroom Sauce. Super excited. It's one of the recipes in the crockpot cookbook that Thane downloaded for me. He is so nice. Prolly cuz his wife is the best person ever <3

I am taking Gracie to get her hair cut by Madeline (the woman that cuts my hair) she has a shop (Peaches) on the corner of 6th North and Court Street. I HIGHLY recommend her to everyone! I found her because she is my friend from school's mom. Lucky her, always has wonderful hair! haha.

I am gonna get ready it's only a few minutes away, but Gracie isn't even dressed yet, and still wants to eat a strawberry bagel with strawberry cream cheese. haha.

Until tomorrow <3

I'm only happy when it rains. I'm only happy when it's complicated, and tho I know you can't appreciate it, I'm only happy when it rains.

It needs to rain sooo bad. It needs to blow some of this heat and humidity away. It is nice and cool out right now. I have the front door open. It's supposed to rain until ten (guess I won't go grocery shopping til later), altho it hasn't started raining yet. It was supposed to 17 minutes ago. Stupid weather man, getting my hopes up.
I am going to get the ingredients to make "sun dried tomatoe and turkey" sandwhiches for Vin. It will change up the same turkey sandwhich he eats EVERY single day. I couldn't get him to take something else, if his life depended on it. It is a mixture of sun dried tomatoes (not even sure where to find those in the store) and creamcheese, cucumbers, and some seasonings. I am excited. I am also going to make some more cornflake bars, but with the dark corn syrup, to see if I taste a difference. I will bring some out to June, Jami, and my parents, this way I don't have to eat them all! haha.

We won't be staying the weekend at Uncle John and Aunt Val's. Both of us forgot we had a dog who needs to be let out at least three times a day.  My mom asked about Rolo, I was like "oh. that's right. We have a dog". sigh.

Karina will be staying here Friday night til Early Sat afternoon. My parents are going to my cousins wedding in NJ. Just a small wedding at the JP's office, I believe. They have been together for 7 years. To bad I have never met her. haha. Whenever they are around in NY, I am always busy, and he was in the Army for the beginning of their relationship, and I was in Fl. He's only met Vin once, a long time ago.

Well, I am going to go make coffee and get the girls something to eat. I should make a grocery list to, so I don't forget stuff. I HATE grocery shopping with the girls by myself, but I've been doing it for a long time now, so I get used to the awfulness of it. Gracie running around, Madalyn getting into thing, Gracie talking to strangers, saying crazy things to them, Madalyn trying to climb outta the cart. It's fun, lemme tell you. haha.

oh yeah, and Heather and Mike get married tomorrow. I need to get them something. I am pretty excited. <3

Until later <3

Does anyone else love canned

Does anyone else love canned carrots? I could eat them straight out of the can (and do) or with butter. They are splendid.

I don’t think you should support the death penalty to seek revenge. I don’t think that’s right. I think the reason to support the death penalty is because it saves other people’s lives.

So. I have been researching the Death Penalty as of lately. Ever since my fb conversation with Jami and Labeef. Jami is my friend, so I figured I would investigate her and other people against the DP's reason(s) for being against it <3

For starters, here are the reasons that many people are NOT for the death penalty. The myth that the death penalty is more expensive, denial of basic rights, prolonged uncertainty, error.

For starters, on many of the websites (a variety of neutral, pro and abolitionist sites) I have found a lot of helpful information on these subjects. I believe that many people are upholding to the myth that the Death Penalty is MUCH MORE expensive that LWOP. Let's examine that topic, first and foremost, since that is a topic that holds statistics and actual computable numbers.

On all the websites (a wide variety of neutral, pro and con sites) that the "costs" they are talking about include for the DP, Pretrial, Trial, appeals, repeals, incarceration and the actual act of execution. Whereas on every site against the Death Penalty, they conveniently calculated the "costs" of LWOP,  ONLY including the cost of incarceration. What about the pretrial, trial, AND REPEATED repeals and court appearances? The longer they are incarcerated, the more repeals and court appearances they have. Also, there is the estimated 50k-90k of Geriatric Costs per inmate per year, which start occurring between the ages of 55-65 (approx. 10-15 years earlier than avg), due to the lifestyle the inmate has led (www.cnn.com). Another cost that is not included in many of the LWOP cost studies, that is included in EVERY DP study is the disposal of the body, which is extremely expensive. For a person that is TRULY LWOP and somehow does not managed to be paroled in this liberal nation of activists, then given the very definition of LWOP, they would indeed, die in prison, leaving the costs of their body disposal to be an 'included cost' of their incarceration, and presumably the LWOP cost. These costs that are included in the DP and not the LWOP costs are merely left out, unfairly, for the sake of winning this debate that the DP is more expensive. Well, no shit. If I went grocery shopping at Price Chopper, spent $5 dollars, and then went grocery shopping at Walmart and spend $50 dollars, of course Price Chopper is cheaper. But, I also failed to mention that I only included the milk I purchased at Price Chopper, instead of the full bill I got at Walmart.

I have just come across an article from an honors student blog, who is studying Criminal Justice in Deluth, that the number of prison equivalent geriatric LWOP inmates is very minimal therefore there would not be a significant increase in cost. How is it that inmates who are given LWOP, somehow avoid reaching the geriatric (55-65) age in prison? Either that article is grossly misleading, or inmates who are given LWOP, their sentence is commuted down, therefore never reaching the geriatric age in prison. Either one, is very disturbing. This blog also stated that there are NO overpopulation or budget problems in prisons, which means that people sentenced to LWOP, WOULD NOT be let go. hmmm, let's see what a recent article on CNN is about.....


"To ease BUDGET woes, one bill up for debate would allow nonviolent elderly prisoners to be released into hospice care or monitored with ankle bracelets. In the past few years, Georgia officials say, the state has released more frail and dying inmates on medical reprieve than ever before. Other states, including New York and Virginia, have also allowed early release of ailing elderly inmates. . .But critics, including victims' advocacy groups, have scrutinized this policy. Will Marling, executive director of the National Organization for Victims Assistance in Virginia, said most victims believe offenders will strike again after they are released. "If a person is sentenced to life, we know they are naturally going to get old," Marling said. "A life sentence should mean life." There remains a group of elderly inmates who committed violent crimes during their golden years, proving the point that many victims worry about." Thank you, CNN for proving this college student wrong.

To continue on this subject or LWOP inmates ending up not serving there sentence, there have been a LARGE variety of DOCUMENTED cases that show that people who are given LWOP, end up being paroled, and then end up committing heinous acts--or commit heinous acts in prison, killing either staff or other inmates. They have nothing to lose, so why not? Many of them are let go because of the large number of inmates incarcerated, while other have state legislatures repealing on their behalves, or abolitionists picketing for their parole. Many are let go do to changes in state laws. Many are let go 20 years later when the full effect of their act doesn't seem as bad. The prisoner has "reformed", so they let them go, with the majority of them becoming repeat offenders. When someone is given LWOP it is not guaranteed that their sentence will not be commuted (CJLF, 2010).

If the system would improve their Death Penalty practices, and shorten the time the inmate is on death row to a solid 5-6 years, like Viriginia, that would decrease the cost of the DP, as well. The national average is 11 years, with only 14% being executed and 36% being overturned, to Virginia's 65% and 15%, respectively (Dudley Sharps, 2010, Justice Matters).

As of 2002, the statitistic was that 65% of people committing violent felons are REPEAT OFFENDERS. Now, imagine if everyone whom committed avViolent Felony was executed. I am pretty sure that the number of Violent Felonies being committed, would decrease by 65%...

There is no way to really "measure" the amount of murderers that a true and enforcing DP would deter. (Right now, our country, or the states individually do not have a "True, enforceable" DP. As it stands there is one execution for every 1600 murders (Death Penalty Resource Director, 1997). But it is common sense. It's the basic principal of human behavior (CJLF, 2010) When the price of gas rose, people quickly found other means of getting around, and deterred from using gas. Therefore, as by the same theory, if the DP is enforced in a true means, then people would stop committing, mainly, premeditated murders. It is documented human nature behaviors that allow the Criminal Justice Foundation to come to this conclusion.


Denial of basic rights. Really? Seriously? This is the first and fore most concern for people against the death penalty? Really? Denial of Basic Rights? What about the basic rights of the person/people this person has murdered? Where are their basic rights? Once you murder someone, your 'basic rights' go out the window. Sorry, buddy.

Error is second. I am pretty sure there are few cases of error. It does happen, I am certain, but there are so many court appearances and appeals to get thru before being executed. With science being as up to date as it is, there are far fewer cases of error than ever before.

Prolonged uncertainty. Seriously? This goes along with Denial of Basic Rights. Your right to not be 'tortured' with years of uncertainty flew out the window when you committed the heinous act.

Something else to consider, is once the DP is abolished, those same groups will, in fact, work to abolish LWOP, and then from there work to decrease sentences, in general. Pretty soon, this could be a country without any reprimands against illegal activities.

Ok. I am pretty sick of proving my point, here. The few people who read this know my opinion on three topics that I enjoy ranting my opinion about. First and Foremost, The fact that Abortion is wrong in ANY terms, secondly, that the DP is the BEST sentence for a murder charge. and Thirdly, that Homeschooling really is the best option, as I wrote in my senior thesis (that I got an A on, I must add. :) )

I used to ride with a vending machine repair man, he said he's been down this road more than twice

So. another rant. Paul called today, and Vin went to the computer, cuz he knows the only time Paul calls is when he needs us to file his unemployment, or something else he needs from us.

He was right. Paul wanted him to do his unemployment, and then he asked if I could make a ppt for Tina's mom. Vin said 'call me tomorrow and we'll do it'. yeah. great. and that was the extent of the conversation. Thanks, Paul, for calling your son every Sunday, for 3 seconds, to ask him to do something that you are to lazy to do yourself, and not even bothering to ask how he is, or your granddaughters or anything. Thanks for making me loathe you.

Once upon a time, Paul and I got a long decently. Once upon a time, he was Gracie's hero. She asked me the other day "Did Papa die, to? I never see him anymore, Just like I can't see Grandma Laurie." No, Gracelyn, Papa just has his head shoved up his ass at the moment. Altho, I just said "No, Papa is really busy with work." Which is a complete lie cuz he doesn't work.

I am NOT going to make a ppt for Tina's mom who is dying (altho I will prolly end up doing it, because Vin will ask me to, and I won't say no and cause a fight with him over something his father is putting on him). I guess he was crying on the phone. Paul has the ppt program, he could do it for this lady that he barely knows. This lady who's daughter Paul has dropped the entire family, to be with.  This Lady whom Paul has taken up drugs with her daughter and let down my husband, as a father. This lady whom I don't know that Vin offered for us to make the ppt for because "My dad is to lazy" as he said. but sure, Paul, go ahead and ask us to do something for you, because you know, you have ALWAYS been there for us when we needed you. ha.

Sigh. I hate ranting about Paul, and I never talk about him with Vin, so I guess my frustration just gets built up because I just don't mention it. Vin is disappointed in his father, but it is his father. He tells me he doesn't have a father and he lost both parents when his mother died, and that pisses me off. When you lose someone important, you are supposed to get closer with the other one left. yeah. ha. When he calls Vin sighs cuz he knows it's only to ask him (us) to do something.

We had a wonderful time kicking the soccer ball around at the park, while waiting for Vin's friends to come and play, then I took the girls on the little playground. Tomorrow starts another week. I need to go thru the girls toys and stuff and get rid of a bunch. They hardly play with anything but the little people, barbies and ponies and stuff.

Heather gets married on Wednesday evening. I am super duper psyched!!!! WOOOOOT.

Friday I am meeting up with Amanda. I am pretty excited about that. I am hoping Wednesday I can go down to Fulton early and see Jami <3

My sauce smells amazing. I am prolly just going to fill up on bread and butter like Laurie and I always did, and then not have enough room for the actual pasta. haha.

Good Will Hunting

Good Will Hunting

Watching Goodwill Hunting with the

Watching Goodwill Hunting with the hubby.

A little ditty bout Jack and Diane, two American kids growing up, in the Heartland

Madalyn fell outta bed last night. (this morning). Again. I was just falling asleep around 1 (I had an awful time trying to sleep last night), and I heard the familiar BOOM that shakes the whole house (Jim can prolly hear it upstairs) and I (and Rolo and Whiskers) Jump up and run to her (Rolo and Whiskies sit in the hall outside her room, waiting. seriously.) and she is laying flat on her face on the floor crying. It breaks my heart, everytime. Poor Baby. All she knows is she was sleeping and now she hurts. I pick her up and hold her awhile and then lay her (next to the wall) to sleep with her George, doggie, froggie, and monkey (that she is not scared to touch anymore. it appears her weird phobia of monkey's is over).

She sleeps so all over the place, they both do, but Gracie has a rail up on top, obviously. We had a rail for madalyn, but she would use it to climb up the side of the bunk bed. She'd stand on it and use her incredible toddler strength and skills to pull her self up to where she could sick her knee to get a grip and climb up and over Gracie's bed. It was amazing to watch really, but we had to take it down. I would rather her fall off her bed, than fall climbing up the bunk bed, which she's done before. For a long time, she would try anyway she could to climb up there. and succeeded many times. which is why she is not allowed to play in the bedroom with Gracie anymore.

She hasn't fallen outta bed in a month or so, so I haven't bothered putting the pillow in there, next to the bed. I always make sure the wooden stool with the sharp edges that Gracie got as a baby (has the cow jumping over the moon scene) from her father's crazy pyschotic grandmother (not june) is on the other side of the room, and the fan is moved far enough away, so she doesn't fall outta bed and crack her head open. Poor Baby. She falls all the time, and is always hitting her head. Thank God her ITP is over, or I would be having a panic attack on a regular basis. She got that at the best possible time. Before she was crawling or walking.

Gracie's father's parents and grandmother (not JUne) have only gotten her one thing each. Her entire life. Before she was born his parents sent her up a pink princess sofaw chair that has a sleeping bag in it. She liked it and used it a lot. when she got older. His grandmother (whom I never got a long with. actually I never got a long with any of those alcoholic pyschotic people) sent up a WOODEN stool with SHARP edges for her. ok. wtf is she gonna use that for. She still doesn't use it. It is to big and heavy to move around all the time, and we don't have room in our bathroom for it, so idk. It just sits in her room. None of them have acknowledged her, which is fine with me, and his sisters aren't coming up this summer. Which kinda sucks :( I really wanted to see his little sister (who is 17 now). we got a long great, and when his parents had their huge domestic fight I was the only one that seemed to remember that Ashtin was only 9 or 10 during it and really upset about it.

It's crazy. How often I COMPLETELY forget that Gracie is not Vin's biological child. We were joking around one day and I gave him so faux attitude, and he's like "what'd I do to you" and I was like (cuz it had been one of those days with Gracelyn, altho I was messing around) "You gave me Gracelyn" and he's like staring at me, and I was like 'what?.....OHHHH' haha. I had completely forgotten. It's so hard to believe that she isn't his, just with the way they are together, and how 'perfect' our little family is. I hate that she isn't 'his' but when we get 1500 bucks when I start working, we are hiring the lawyer and we are taking him to court, and Vin is adopting her, cuz right now, I am the only one in the world that has any rights (besides the "DNA right") to Gracelyn. Jordan can't do a damn thing with her, because, Thank God, he willingly gave up EVERYTHING (except the damn paternal rights, which he couldn't give up until I was married and had someone to adopt her). That shows how much he cared even when she was a baby.  I will have to leave a note when I go with Ms. Gretchen, Vin and my Mom that states that they can make decisions about her medical care while I am in France. I want Gracelyn to have our last name so bad. I want it to happen before she goes to school and everything, to. Man, I wish we were rich. ha. along with everyone else in the world. But, for now, I will be satisfied to know that she is with us ALL the time, and NEVER has to see Jordan. When she gets older (not sure how old yet) I will sit her down and explain that she has another father out there that is not daddy, but daddy loves her just the same as Madalyn. That conversation is going to break our hearts. I dread having to have that conversation. I don't even know what age to do it. Once Vin adopts her, I will feel so much better. We both will. He doesn't want her to go anywhere near the drug addicted loser, either. I also don't want her to feel that we 'kept' her from her 'real' father when she gets to that rebellious age. IDK. I imagine, when she gets older, if she wants to see him, we will let her, and she can decide if we made the 'right' decision. Altho, by then, I imagine he'll be so far gone, she will (hopefully) realize we did the right thing. Gosh. I hate having to think about things like this, but I absolutely do not regret having her, even when they told me that she may have Downs Syndrome, and I should consider abortion. ha. riiiight. She coulda had 3 heads, and I woulda still had her. It was Gracie and I for so long, I can't imagine not having her. I would be soo different. Prolly still living in Fl with a crackhead and no responsibility. Gracie gave me a reason to get my life together. To give her the best possible life ever. That will always be my goal in life, to give my girls the best possible life. EVER. To make all the right decisions for them. To do the best things possible for them. I know I will screw up in some way, every parent does. I just hope I don't screw up to bad and that they grow up and have a relationship as adults with me, like I do my parents. I can't even picture them grown up. I can't picture Madalyn 3 or 4, talking. or Gracie like 6 or 7, getting into sports (daddy wants her in soccer). I can't picture either of them being this old already. I remember when they were both so little.
They both look so much like my brother, at random times. Madalyn was a SPITTING image of him the other day. Gracie had her moments as a baby to. When she was first born, that';s the first thing I said "She looks like Chris!". The nurses prolly thought that was her real father or something. haha. I can't get over how much Madalyn looked like Chris the other day. I think I will develop that pic and send it to him, when I ship out his package (and Toni's P90X) next week.

Ms. Gretchen goes on Vacay from September 24th thru Oct 1. does anyone know any babysitters? I have school all that week. :-( Ms. Gretchen informed me that she is putting together a kindergarten program for Gracie that focus' on expressive (she is hard to understand at times, as well) and will work with Madalyn to. She really is such a wonderful daycare provider! Part of the reason why we want to move to Camilus. Ok, the whole reason we want to move to camilus. haha. Vin may end up having to take days off of work, cuz I can maybe miss a Tuesday or Wednesday, but that's about it. I even have a 4-6 class on that Monday when I normally have it off :-(

I am making sauce with meat, peppers and onions today. COoking it in the crockpot while we go to the park and Vin plays his soccer. I haven't made sauce in forever. To bad Paul doesn't care enough to invite us over to make it anymore. It's weird, anyways, without Laurie. Whenever (the 3 times I have been there) we are there, she is all I can think about. Even tho she never lived in that house. and there is no evidence of her even being married to Paul there. Gracie talks about her a lot. Every once in a while, I'll play the ppt. for Gracie, and we'll watch it together. I don't want her to forget Grandma Laurie, ever. She was Grandma Laurie's shadow for a long time. She would watch her on Tues and Thurs while I was at school. All day, just the two of them. I hated it at first, and would keep telling her I would send her to daycare, cuz I was so used to be independent and I didn't want Laurie to feel she 'had' to watch her, so I would just tell her I would send her to daycare and Laurie was like "that's stupid. I am here all day. Why send her there when I am here. We'll hang out and eat lunch together and have a good time." and they always did. Even when we moved up here, a couple times a week (when I didn't ahve school, or on Mondays when I had no class) we would go and eat lunch with Laurie on her break (she was a medical transcriptionist or something), and that was our favorite time of the day. THe girls looked forward to it. well, gracie did. Madalyn had no idea what was going on. hahah.

Ok. I am out for good, today. <3

Oh, Yeah...They say life goes on....long after the thrill of living is gone...

We had a wonderful time yesterday and Bill and Tina's. She has an 'inlaw' apartment in the basement of their house. Fully furnished. It's like a studio, but has a separate bedroom (which is now a gym area), with a fully furnished kitchen. We ate down there since it was a lot cooler, and the girls could play over on the couches and watch tv and we could see them. And there was no 'escape route' for them. haha. We were there til 10 last night. Thank God they live 5 minutes away (over off of Burnet). I had a lot of fun. She made pasta with clam sauce.

I think we are going to go to a park today, while Vin goes and plays a pickup game of Soccer (did I use the phrase 'pickup' right? to mean a random game with random ppl?) The girls love the park. They will be thrilled.

Until Tomorrow <3