I suck.

This is going to be a short blog. I am tired. I have a headache. and I am just plain rundown. I really want to email Stef, so maybe I will save some energy for that. If I don't fall asleep first, as I lay here typing this in bed.

the other morning (either last thurs or Fri, or yesterday--idk. all my days run together), I got a call at  0507 while I was up getting ready for clinical. I silenced it. It was a weird 808 area code. I assumed someone wanting money and was irritated that they would call that early. Vin said why would it be a telemarketer or anyone at this hour, when we are the earliest time zone? He has a point. It was my brother, I found out today. I FINALLY listened to my voicemails (I have a super bad habit of going weeks and weeks without listening to them.) I feel like crying now. I can't believe I silenced a call from my BROTHER in AFGHANISTAN. He is risking his life to save other people's lives that are fighting for our country, and I can't even answer a damn phone call cuz I don't want to risk having it be a bill collector. Honestly, the thought that it could be him, NEVER crossed my mind. Today i told my dad I should start answering them. He said he usually calls at odd hours. It still didn't dawn on me. Then Chris wrote on facebook that he had tried to call me, and that NO ONE he called answered. He didn't get to talk to anyone from the states, not his family, not his wife, no one. AND I WAS UP. God, I hate myself right now.

Bed. To upset to facebook. sigh.