It all cascades around me.

I feel like giving up.

If I didn't have the girls and rely on Vin to support me, I would have quit nursing school yesterday.

We all stood around talking yesterday, and thank God, I am not the only one with this feeling.

I've been stressed out during this hell of a two years before, but this is the worst. I feel like I am incompetant and a failure.

I make a mistake, or do something wrong, and then I build up the anxiety, and start making stupid imbecile mistakes. Things I KNOW how to do. Then before I know it, I have myself in a tither, thinking my instructor thinks I am a failure. Feeling and looking like everyone does.

She informed me that I am not meeting two objectives.

There are 8 to meet to pass.

Thank God that it's my next instructor that has the ability to pass or fail me. We have 7 more weeks. Thank God.

She did say at the beginning that no one would meet all objectives, but I am pretty sure my friend and i are the only ones out of the 8 of my group not meeting two.

It's my paperwork also. I can blame myself. She is a sticklor for paperwork. I don't (DIDN'T) put much effort into it. Notice how I am up at 0400 doing it, now?!?! My last instructor said that I didn't write much, but she knew I knew what I was talking about, and all the information was there.

She also warned me that I would have to "Jump thru hoops to get done, but it would be worth it". So, this retarded paperwork that I have spent hours doing this week must be what she was talking about.

I feel better. Today is going to be a good day. I will make sure.

If all else fails. I get a brand new instructor in 2 weeks. Maybe I won't be terrified of her.

Cathy is great, don't get me wrong. But I am terrified of her, because I think that she already thinks I suck.

But she said, if we were meeting all of the objectives at this point, that there would be no point of us being in school, that we were ready to be a nurse, so maybe I'm overexaggerating it. IDK.

I feel like I am being dragged thru my clinical weeks, waiting to catch up. I do, and then something goes wrong, or I forgot something.

I feel on top of it, then it crumbles.

It snowballs.

It cascades.

Then I feel like crying. But, I don't.

Thank God there are many others that feel like this.

But still, it sucks.