Madalyn Rose turns 4.

Happy 4th Birthday, Punky!

I can't believe that Madalyn is 4. How the time flies. She is still my little cuddle bug. I hope she never out grows that!

pictures.

I should yell at them for being in the babydoll stroller.

I love this picture.

This picture of Whiskers makes me yawn every time I look at it.

22 degree's out? Perfect bike riding weather!

Gracelyn decided that because all the snow had melted-ish yesterday, it was perfect Bike Riding weather. Despite the fact that it was 22 degree's out. Madalyn's always good for anything. So, after we got home from daycare, outside we went.

Of course, Georgie is always along for the ride.

Steering? Not so much.

Gracelyn Marie.

Gracelyn was teaching Madalyn how to play the leapster, while she played on my NookColor.

Homeschool, Schomeschool.

This is how I feel sometimes (often) while home-schooling. Gracelyn can be so stubborn, she is difficult, and she sometimes flat out refuses to do anything. Not to mention, I am usually sleep deprived from my awful night/day sleep schedule. I am impatient, I am frustrated. It is hard. I feel like she isn't getting what she should from home schooling. I don't have time for co-ops, and LEAH groups.    Granted, she does get a lot of social interaction between my mom (who home-schools my little sister) and our daycare, who both participate in Co-ops and Bible School and the such, but I feel like I'm not doing enough. I feel like a home-schooling failure. I want to quit. Throw the towel in. But, that isn't my style. So, we continue on.

If I was optimistic (which I never am) I would say that I would continue to homeschool her next year, but I don't see how I could possibly have the patience to do it, while maintaining my sanity. On the upside, we do have days when I feel like we accomplish a lot, that I have really taught her something, and that she listens to me and absorbs what I say. Those days are few and far between, though.

Our schedule is very random. I think this is part of the reason why I feel like a home-school parenting failure. I teach her whenever. Wherever. I work nights, so sometimes I pick them up from daycare early, or stay up on a weekend and teach her. I find this hard, as my tolerance level is a lot lower and one or both of us end up in tears, so I don't do it as often, anymore. Mostly, I teach on my days off. Well, my second day off. My first day off isn't a "day off", since I don't get home til 8am-ish that day. However, I rarely have two days off in a row, due to working overtime. Which helps us financially, but not her educationally. We will do a page out of a workbook here and there; before bed, while I'm making dinner, in the few minutes before I run out the door to work. I quiz her on spelling words in the car, she reads to me, we count in the car. We just sort of wing-it. She is caught up-ish as to where she "should" be in the book, but I feel it isn't "quality" education. I need to do better. It is so frustrating.

In the fall our private daycare is closing. She home-schools her four children and has run a full-time daycare for years-I don't blame her. Frankly, I have no idea how she does it, she is super-woman, all rolled up into a Christian, home-schooling, daycare running Mother. I envy her and her patience.

Which leads to the conundrum. Do I find another full-time daycare, and continue to homeschool? Do we move closer to my parents, but further from both our jobs? Do we send them to a private Christian school around here, but then what if we move this year, will my husband want to/have time to drive them to school? And Madalyn will only be 4 next month, we'd have to send her to the full-time preschool. How will she do away from us, and without Gracelyn?  If we send them to school, we would still need a daycare for snow days, holidays, summer, ect. How will I do without them being at the trusted/reliable daycare? With them being in separate classes? In a foreign environment? With me wondering if they are sad and/or missing me? With not being able to text and see how they are doing? Not being able to pick them up whenever I wanted? Will I ever be able to find a daycare as trustworthy/reliable as ours, now? Can I find the patience to continue to homeschool, should we find a reliable daycare? It is all very stressful. I have procrastinated on figuring it out. It gives me a headache.

My husband wants them to go to school, he is not all for home-schooling like I am/want to be.

I want to start back to school soon. I want to go straight from RN to Masters. It's going to be very tedious, I imagine. I can barely hold myself together enough to teach Gracelyn now, with working full-time and then the overtime I pick up, let alone, adding a full curriculum to my schedule. Should I hold back on school, and continue to home-school? Do I have the patience for it? Can I find the patience for it?

Another issue with my pushing back my start date for school is the fact that I want to get my NP license. However, sometime in the future, 2013- 2015ish, they are making all Nurse Practitioners get a PhD in nursing. If I wanted to be a PhD, I would be a doctor. I have to start the program before that goes into effect, to be grandfathered in, I believe.

Man. I miss the days when my biggest stressor was where to sit in the lunchroom.

"No one will ever know the strength of my love for you; after all, you're the only ones who know what my heart sounds like from the inside"--Author Unknown

"A daughter is just a little girl that grows up to be a friend".

Madalyn is so proud of putting together her Princess puzzle!

Gracelyn Marie.

These decorate my walls. (Among many others).

Helping Mommy make cupcakes.

Drink break.

Proud of her Build A Bear Owl, Strawberry, and her new winter gear.

Eating the finished product.

Playing the kinect.

"Prayer is less about changing the world...and more about changing ourselves".

I love when they get along!

Madalyn and her entourage. In a babydoll stroller.

She is growing up so fast. 

My Diva's. <3

She always rocks the upside down sunglasses. It's her thing.

Picnic time!

Group Picnic!

I <3 Madalyn's huge grin in this pic!

My Pride and Joy's....and the ones who test my patience.

I'm pretending I'm creative with Photobucket.

“Patience and fortitude conquer all things” -Ralph Waldo Emerson

I feel like I have become more patient with the girls. At least, I hope I have - that is my goal. Instead of getting irritated (ok, I still do- I just try not to show it), I just let them be. I let them fight their fight, and if it gets out of hand I separate them. I sit them on the couch if they are naughty, and I try not to yell at them as much, after all, it doesn't help anything either way. I find that when I actually get decent sleep, I am have more patience. 

When it is a stressful day at home with them, when they are being extra loud, or extra naughty, I try to focus on the beautiful things about my girls. This silliness, the funny/cute things they say. The way they interact. How I am starting to see Madalyn really look up to Gracelyn. How I see Gracelyn is becoming "protective" of Madalyn. These things make me smile. Make my heart full. Make me know just how blessed I am.

I was giving the girls a shower last night. I just get in with them. It's easier. Like an assembly line of washing up. I was washing Gracelyn's hair, while Madalyn was washing my leg. (who knows, but it was cute and thoughtful of her, I guess?), and then it was Madalyn's turn. She wanted a washcloth over her eyes, but I wasn't about to get out, drip water throughout the house to go get one. So, Gracelyn said "You can use my hand", and Madalyn held Gracelyn's hand over her eyes for the hair washing business. It made me smile. Gracelyn is surprisingly thoughtful in a random sisterly kind of way. <3

Madalyn also will call Gracelyn to come play with her, or watch her, or even stand next to her if she sees/does something remotely "interesting". Gracelyn is the same way, usually (altho, she does have times when she likes to play by herself, and I have Madalyn come entertain me). I love it.

Madalyn Rose

My punky dancing in the food court.

hmmm. how to rotate this pic?  Ah. well. Just turn your heads.

My little Diva's. <3

I want to feel passion, I want to feel pain, I want to weep at the sound of your name, come make me laugh, come make me cry, just make me feel alive.

Alive- Joey Lauren Adams

One of my favorite songs, ever. From the soundtrack of "chasing amy". I have been looking for YEARS on limewire, to download it to my itunes, and I can't find it. sigh.

So. I have started watching "the L word". omg. I freakin' love that show. I freakin' love Shane's attitude, and I love Dana. She is so nieve about Lesbiens. Silly girl. haha. (Apparently I have picked up the word 'silly' from Jami, as well.)

I think Vin is going to pick me up a bottle of Red Cat tonight, altho I decided that I wasn't going to have anymore wine until Camp, because it has so many calories. Oh well. I don't have the energy to exercise and I like food to much, to do the slim fast thing. I will start it tomorrow tho. Ha. I say that every day.

So. I went to JCP today (my fave. store) and got some shorts. Size 3. not bad, but the issue was finding shorts that weren't HOOCHIE!!! (hootchie?) idk. All the shorts there coulda passed for underware! I swear!! I used to wear short short shorts when I was younger, back when I had the legs for it, but I don't any more. haha. I did find some nice shorts that were normal short length (like 2 inches from my crotch, instead of 2 cm), so that's good. haha. I don't fit into any of my other shorts cuz they are like a 1. sigh. altho they are so old, i've had them since highschool and finally out grew them this year. ha. damn nursing school.

So. I talked to my sister in law today. Not Toni. Heather. She called. it was a pleasant conversation. I almost didn't answer, but I figured i should. haha. We talked about the girls, and her school, and my school, and france, and her studying abroad in italy. She seemed genuinely nice, instead of her normal fakeness, but still. idk. She is just so 'all about her' and the fact that she wouldn't live with my brother in NC, she stayed at UNH. whatever. If it makes him happy. Altho, he is hopefully transferring to a base in R.I, so he will be closer to us.

Went to the mall today. Was in JCP for seriously like 3 minutes and Madalyn LOST her sneaker. we looked EVERYWHERE. so we went to the disney store, and I bought her cute minnie mouse flip flops, (altho she was wearing a spare pair of sandals I had with me). I love buying shoes for the girls! Or clothes. or anything. But I restrained myself. I can't help but spend a lot of money at the disney store, but I didn't. haha. Vin would of freaked. I remember for Gracie's 3rd bday party, it was Tinkerbell, and Tinkerbell was all the rage at the disney store-we spent so much money there and bought her her tinkerbell lamp and all sorts of dolls and stuff. She still has her tinkerbell lamp tho. Good. that thing was 40 bucks marked down from 80!

I really love "the l word" but it is pretty annoying because it's not on zshare, it's on either some chinese thing or megavideo, and with Megavideo you can only watch 72 minutes at a time, and then it makes you wait 54 minutes before you can watch another 72. haha. I guess since I have started this show, my book isn't going to get read except at night, when I am not to exhausted. haha.

We got our cooler. The girls are having a blast in the box.

Chris sent a letter to my parents. Said activity was picking up, and that he had been hoping he wouldn't have to do his job (which is being the medic for the marines). but, he is, from the sounds of it. But he said he is safe, and he has his gun, so not to worry, because he loves his gun. haha. and then at the end of it he said "Is reagan getting tired of riding horses? I can prolly smuggle a camel outta here". haha. I am glad he is still able to joke around. He said that he always had a 'romanticized notion of war' until now, and it has given him a whole new perspective on everything. I am sending him a package. I will put in it Crew socks, baby wipes, and baby powder (at his request) and I am also sending 'beef jerky chew', the brand I am getting is Buffalo Bills and it's supposedly rated top 4 in the US by some Hiking Group, or something. haha. He loves beef Jerky.

It is 1818. Haha. I love that I post at the same time everynight. Altho this time, Vin will be home in a few. Yay. I wonder what we are doing for dinner. Prolly Ponchitos. After today tho, we are NOT ordering out anymroe, and I am NOT drinking alcohol, until Camp. haha.

well. Goodbye my Lover, Goodbye my friend....Until Tomorrow <3

Can we pretend that airplanes In the night sky are like shooting stars...

I am about halfway thru Jodi Picoult's "house Rules". It is a great book. I have only been able to read it at night time, altho I haven't been reading even then, as much as normal, cuz Vin's been getting home so late, that by the time we get to bed it's 'late' (like 9-10).
I finished this season of Desperate Housewives, and I am caught up with Army Wives. I need a new tv show to watch. haha. I would much rather pause a tv show to yell at the kids than not be able to concentrate while reading, I've decided.

I bought the girls Toy Story 1. I don't know why since I have it downloaded on that program thingy that Thane hooked up, but I don't know how to work it. So, I am impatient. So I bought it. AND I thought it was 1&2 for 20 bucks...but it's not. It's 1 on blue ray and dvd. WTH? I don't have a blue ray player. w.e.

I am sweating profusely. I should prolly change into some shorts. haha. I've been wearing jeans all day. who knows why.

We had an earthquake apparently. I didn't notice. The last one I remember was in like 10 11 or 12th grade cuz I was living with Deb. It was in the morning and I thought the dog was like running around my room shaking my bed. He wasn't. haha.

I put soap in Gracelyn's mouth today. I told her to stop talking back. Idk if it helped. I also took away the pool. She is still being obnoxious. She is going to go play in her room like a good girl after she eats, and if she throws a fit, I am taking the tv away from her ALL day tomorrow.

We got our totes and propane tanks and batteries for camp.We got two long totes that are about 6 inches deep for bread and rolls and stuff and pots and pans (in seperate totes, of course. haha) and two smallish ones for first aid stuff, hair brushes, and crap like that.

I am pretty darn excited for camp. haha. Have I mentioned that? Saturday is Mindy's baby shower. It is pretty much just a cookout. I am excited about that, I like Mindy and Justin, but I don't know any one else. Vin will know a lot of ppl since he has been friends with Justin (shoppe) forever, and he 'dated' Mindy. (for like 2 weeks and nothing happened.) plus, it's Vin. he talks to everyone and anyone.

So. Jami was telling about her Walmart story and how she bitched until they gave her her money and then offered to pay for any bank fee's. Then I realized, I can be a bitch, but mostly, I am just a push over.
What happened is she asked them to do a split transaction, they didn't, so of course it'd screw up Jami's account, so she demanded they put it back. they couldn't so they gave it to her in cash, a 20 dollar gift card and offered to pay any fee's. I would of just said "that's ok" and left and paid the fees. Unless Vin was with me. Then he may have thrown a fit. But, I definantly would have gave in and let them screw me. I need to learn to be a bitch at the right moments. ha.

No to mention, if you go negative once, when it all finally posts, it post from greatest amount to least amount, so you end up with like 7 overdraft fees. yeah. that happened to us once. It sucked. we were negative like 800 dollars because of it. I was pissed. Ok. maybe like 300 bucks in the hole, but still. it was a lot.

Talked to Tara today. She calls me usually bi-monthly. lol. She seems to be having a good time, but I think she feels like a 'stranger in a strangeland', so after she graduates she will be moving back here to people and places she is familiar with. Sorta like my experience with Fl, except mine also involved the crazy Corkran family. haha.

Sunday, I think Jami and Thane are coming over. yay <3. Idk what to do for dinner. hmm. I'll prolly just marinade some chicken. or maybe we'll do Papa Johns. I love papa johns, and Thane's been wanting some. AND it gets delivered in, seriously, like 10 minutes cuz it's like 2 blocks away. haha. now, if only dd delivered, life would be perfect. haha.

I have like 4 months to figure out what to do with my life. ha. yeah. seriously, tho. I have to decide if I want to work at Crouse, where they will give me a sign on (not sure how big), but won't pay for me to continue my Education (for my NP, eventually) for 2 years, or work at Golisano's where Upstate will pay for me to continue school after 6 months. Idk if they ahve a sign on. So, yeah. that sounds simple, right. well, it's not. I joined nursing school with the dream of working in the NICU (Neonatal intensive care unit). I spent a day up there and LOVED it. OMG. It was like Heaven. Well, Crouse has the BEST NICU in the area and services THIRTEEN counties. Ppl come up from PA to go Crouse, and down form the canada border. If I can't get in there right away, I'd want to do L&D. which, is also at Crouse. and is the best one around, because it is connected with the NICU. So, IDK. Golisono's wouldn't be awful. If I did work there, it would have to be at Golisano's and not on another floor at Upstate. I don't like UPstate. I've done clinicals there, and I just don;t like it, it's like alien territory. Altho, I guess I would get used to it. The trauma floor, where I did clinicals would be ok. That is where all the people that get majorly hurt in accidents and stuff go. But if I do end up working for Upstate, so they can pay from my school it would have to be at Golisano's. I would love for it to be on the pediatric hem/oncology floor, but pediatric surgery would be ok. I did a rotation there, but I would LOVE to be on Pediatric Hematology/Oncology. I would. However, I hate parents. Lemme just say that. They are awful. which is why the NICU would be perfect for me. Parents are in very little doses up there. haha. So. I could work at Crouse, and just take out loans for the next two years, (or just wait a while before going back) where I REALLY want to work, or work for Upstate where I really don't want to work, but get school paid for pretty much instantly. ALso, the question is, do I WANT to go back to school right away? Yes. I do. I love school (yeah, I am lame) and I would have to go part time, cuz I would be working full time, but idk. I want to get it over and done with cuz it's a 3 year program, full time, so if I go max part time, it would still be like 5ish. So. gosh. idk. If I wait til the kids are older, it might be easier. I started Crouse at the worst time, with a 1 year old and a 3 year old. Full time school at the best nursing school around with two toddlers. ha. WTH was I thinking? Idk. But, I don't have much time left to figure it out. Maybe I will just apply everywhere and the first place to take me wins. I have a feeling that I will apply first at Crouse, cuz that is where I REALLY want to go, but then it's MORE student loans, or putting school on hold. As my dad says (alot) if you put off school you aren't likely to go back. But I proved that wrong once, I could do it twice. but, idk.

so. I told Gracelyn that if she didn't play in her room she wouldn't watch TV at ALL tomorrow. She says  "I dont want to watch tv tomorrow." so that threat didn't work.

We are reading Hop on Pop. She is doing really good. I am proud of her. She read like 3 pages (with my help, obviously) and got bored. but the words also started getting longer (house, mouse) and she's never really read before. this whole concept is new, so I understand her giving up. haha. we'll do a little everyday.

Madalyn is so cute (duh). Gracelyn has this microphone that sings a verse of "under the sea" and madalyn sorta hums along to it, and dances with it to her mouth until everytime they say 'sea' or 'me' or anythign ending in 'eee' sounds and (right on time) she goes "eeeeee". haha.

I feel like the song "everything" was wrote for me. ha. I am lame. I am pretty sure everyone thinks that. haha.

James Blunt. That is like the sound track of our relationship. I bought it when I broke up with Vin for what i thought was forever (but turned out to be 2 days, and then we got engaged. haha) because of the song 'goodbye my lover'. but, we listened to that song every single night in our studio apartment that was LITERALLY the size my living room is now. I played it because it was soothing music for Gracie, and her crib was literally a foot from our bed (with the other end against the wall) and our bed was 2 feet from the other wall (that gives you a size reference). So, all of our fights, and are 'loving' was to this cd. It doesn't surprise me now, looking back, that we fought so much, even after we were engaged. I was pregnant, home all day in a tiny tiny studio apartment, he worked all day (he was at barnes and cone) drove a 45 minute drive all day, at least, and came home to a pregnant hormonal, me, in our tiny tiny apartment. Altho, we've always fought. we are better now. thankfully. alot better. but we dont see eachother except saturday afternoons and sundays. haha. no wonder we get along. haha. but yeah, I love James blunt. I listen to him when I want to remember the beginning of our relationship and how far we have come, relationship wise, family wise, and just in general. and he is a wonderful artist.


it is 1818. The same time I posted yesterday, and Vin is not home AGAIN. haha. He hasn't been home in time for the girls to go to bed in a long time. oh well. It's money. It's wonderful over time. like 26 bucks an hour. I love time and a half. haha.

Summer Sisters. Idk where my book is, but I am sad. I hope my mom has it in the attic, but idts. Amanda asked me a question about something in the book, and I went looking for it. it's not there. We call eachoterh Vix and Cait. yeah. we were pretty lame. haha. It is a wonderful book tho, and it seemed so suited for our friendship.

ok. I guess I am going to go. My dad fb'd me a comment about rope and stuff we need for camp.

So, as James Blunt would say...'So, long, Jimmy, So long, though you only stayed a moment....' or, "Goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend.". Yes. I believe I will end all my future blogs with that. haha. I am so lame. Until Tomorrow <3

Don't tell me if I'm dying, Cause I don't wanna know, If I can't see the sun, Maybe I should go...

So, I am having issues sending pics from my phone to here. hmm.

Vin has no idea when he will be done. It is 1818 now. Great. Another late night. I am starving. Kinda. I just really like to eat. I really am trying to watch my calories, since we are camping in a little under 2 weeks. No more beer or wine until then. To high in calories. I think that is part of the reason why I gained like 10 lbs in a year. Nursing school makes me drink. haha. Altho, I'm not lying. ha.

I received a card today, in the mail from Heather's mom, Janet. She had a stroke in February or March, maybe April. I am bad at remembering dates. I went and saw her a couple times and sent her flowers, and she wrote me a card herself! I am so proud of her improvement, and she's not even my mom. haha. She was in the ICU at upstate, and then the rehab floor, now she's at St. Camillus in Oswego, and she will be going home June 29, in time for their wedding in July!! I am so glad I got to see them. And. They live literally like a quarter mile from Jami and Thane! I wish we could buy the house next door to the Goldberg's, cuz then we would have all our friends right near us (and Heather and I could carpool to school. Except, she's ALWAYS late. haha), minus the Green's who live across the bridge.

June 29th is my parents 25th Wedding Anniversary. I am thrilled to be making it to our 3 year, in August, much less our 25th! I am so incredibly lucky to have a whole family, all of who get a long, and I really should count the blessings and be thankful for all of them.

So, Jami just told me this really funny story about what happened at Ponderosa with Rowan. I am sure she will post about it, but I will tell the short story because it made me LOL. They were at Ponderosa after Rowan's tball game, and some kid in the next booth was screaming and crying, so Rowan stood up on the booth and yells "OH NO, DADDY DO SOMETHING!!!" HAHAHAHA.

So. This Labels thing. What does it do? I think I labeled one post a while back (by while back, I mean like 3 days ago), but I always forget to, and I am still not real certain what it does. haha.

I am so freakin' excited to be going to camp. Holy Moly. Words can not express my feelings of ecstasy about how near it is!! We got everything, but Vin's fishing license, and our cooler (which should be arriving soon). We have to get groceries and some small stuff, but we have our screen tent, the tent, the ax, the rooftop bag, and the air mattresses, and lanterns and crap. OOOHHH and we bought APPLES TO APPLES. I am SOOO EXCITED to get to play that!! I only played it once at a Game Night at Carly's house with the Crouse girls (and all two of the Crouse Boys), but it was so fun!!

Ok. Now it is 1831 and still no word from Vin. Yay. ha. I am glad we don't live in Fulton anymore. Altho, when we did at least I had like 45 minutes notice of when he would be home, and I could make dinner. Now he works a mile away and I don't know he's out until he gets home. So, I don't make dinner when it's this late and we are just lazy and rely on delivery or Lucky Sevens.  And I wonder why I gained weight? ahaha.

So. I love female singers of the 'rock/souly/whatever' genre. Melissa Etheridge. Joss Stone. Alanis. Definatly Alanis. I looove Alanis. Joan Jett. Lisa Loeb. The cranberries, altho they are a group. or whatever.  I love her so much, as well. I love them all.

Ok. On a sidenote. I am sick of our drug dealing neighbors. They cause to much traffic. Seriously, there are always cars pulling up in front of their house, for like 3 minutes, and then leaving. like, all day long. Seriously, do they think everyone around here is an idiot? We know what they are doing. Altho, it bothers me cuz whenever we are outside, rolo runs over to greet the drug seeker. ha. Good thing the driveway and back yard and door we use are on the 'quietish' side street. Thank God our driveway isn't on Midler. We would have Roadkill Rolo. Haha.

Ok. I am hoping Vin gets home soon. It is 1837, and I am sick of screaming "Go play in your room Gracelyn!!! and STOP Dragging your sister around by her legs! (who by the way, doesn't complain about being dragged around.) and STOP SCREAMING! LEAVE HER ALONE Almost time for their bed. They wake up sooo early that they go to bed at 7ish. Which works for us, cuz we are (usually) in bed by 8ish. Altho, Vin has been working so late we haven't been getting to bed til 830-9ish, and then I have to read before bed, so I haven't been falling asleep til 10 or later. ok. Until tomorrow <3